1, 2, Many: Veteran Suicide With Timothy Lawson

We're back with new content. After a hiatus of nearly 18 months, we are continuing with programming. First to join us is Marine Veteran Josh Howard form Woodburned Warriors. He shares his perspective when his unit lost members to suicide and how he dealt with his own emotional struggles.  

It has been more than a year since we put out an episode, but this one is worth the wait. I was recently asked "how you have been able to trust people when they tell you that they love/appreciate you." Rather than responding with a quick, off-the-top response, I decided to think about it and have a conversation with someone else. I opened up the opportunity to my friends, and two wonderful gentlemen offered to join me. Corey Christman and Michael Le Buhn are both veterans that have been on this program before. The three of us each share our thoughts regarding this question and our own personal experiences that inform those thoughts.

Timothy Jones is a good friend of mine and has been on the podcast before. He was originally on 1, 2, Many in 2014 to tell his friend's story. In that episode, Tim breifly mentioned his own struggles but never admitted being suicidal. Since then, Tim has healed and accepted his past. Now he's ready to share that part of his story. Tim was raped by a Marine when he was serving in Japan. That event led to a self-destructive lifestyle and a couple suicide attempts. "I wanted to hurt. I needed to feel." Listen to Tim's story and comment below with how it makes you feel. Let him know you appreciate him sharing his story. You can also let him know on Twitter @Timothy_M_Jones.

To all my friends, family, fans, peers, comrades, acquaintances, enemies, strangers and people I simply don't like:   I'm here for you.   I'm not just here if you want to talk about your problems. I'm here if you need to dig deep. I'm here if you need to bleed it out while someone else is in the room to experience the pain with you.   We can talk about what you're going through. We can talk about my experiences.   You can ask the questions. Or you can let me ask them. Maybe we'll pull questions from the Internet. We can call a hotline together or we can shut off our phones and sit in silence. You can even tell me you don't need to talk and that everything is OK, even if it isn't true. What's important is you let me be here, and that you understand that I'm here.   Because it doesn't matter if you're a veteran or not. I understand, in some capacity, what you're going through.   I've been to the figurative ledge. I've had the literal pills in my stomach. I've threatened suicide as a cry for help

Dr. Craig Bryan from the National Center for Veterans Studies at the University of Utah joins the podcast yet again.  Dr. Bryan was featured on the show at the beginning of the project to share his insight on veteran suicide, PTSD, and trauma related behavior. He's back to discuss what he and his peers have discovered through research in a recent publication. Listen in as he explains what the study shows and how it can help treat veterans mental health.

I came across Anthony Pavelko on Facebook. I saw him mention his son's suicide. When I asked him to join me on the podcast, I was honored that he accepted. Anthony's story and feelings are powerful. He talks about what it takes to face guilt, depression, and regret. Before Anthony and I started our conversation, his chaplain came on and told me how much this interview meant to Anthony. I'm truly humbled to be able to provide a platform for these stories and give an outlet for this community. Please, let us know if you can resonate with Anthony's story in the comments below or on Twitter: @One2ManyProject @TimLawson21

I met Michael LeBuhn in Orlando at the Student Veterans of American National Conference. He attended my early morning session on suicide, and we both got along immediately. During the session, it was clear from his comments that he had experienced suicidal behavior himself. I offered him a chance to tell his story and he came through. In this podcast you’ll hear about a book Michael is a part of. For more on that book, check out the website: http://www.heartofaveteran.com/ For those of you subscribed in iTunes: we changed the feed back in January and it will be current with all of the episodes on March 1.

Navy veteran Zack Starr hiked the Pacific Crest Trail to find himself and heal his emotional wounds. Listen to his story about fighting depression, battling an injury, and recovering from it all.  

Alex Gutierre is a Marine Corps veteran that is currently battling emotinoal health issues. Alex was involved in a motorcycle accident that took the life of his passenger and put him in a month long coma. Alex describes his life and emotional state following the accident and where it stands now. This story is unique to the program as Alex admits that this is a current issue for him and one he is trying to overcome. Let us know what you think of this week’s story by tweeting us: @One2ManyProject (Podcast) @TimLawson21 (Host) @LawsonEntertain (Production)

I have experienced the deathly presence of silence too many times. For many people, including myself, peace and quiet is enjoyable. Unfortunately, when you’re experiencing emotional health issues, silence is like an assassin. Your head will struggle to make sense of the way you feel, and silence will step in to kill. This should be considered in two ways. The first applies to when you are silent during a time of need. Many of the ad campaigns, memes, PSAs, and hashtags encourage you to reach out. Society wants you to speak up. Rightfully so, since there’s very little anyone can do when they don’t know something needs to be done. To finish, listen to the podcast or go to One2ManyProject.com/Ep73

This week’s story comes from Ellen Goosenberg Kent. Ellen is the Oscar winning director of Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1. If you have not seen this documentary, I highly recommend it. You can watch it on HBO or on Amazon here. Ellen talks with Tim about the creation of the Oscar winning documentary Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1 and what she learned about the hotline services. This appropriately follows last week’s episode when Marine veteran Luis Tenezacamora shared his experience with calling a hotline. Let us know what you think of this week’s story by tweeting us: @One2ManyProject (Podcast) @TimLawson21 (Host) @LawsonEntertain (Production)

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. Hashtags are made, inspiring pictures are shared, and hope is strong. On this day, we come together as a society and recognize that suicide is a serious issue. On a day that my efforts are especially recognized, I still know the suicide I’m trying hardest to prevent is my own. Much like an alcoholic, I still identify myself as someone with a problem. I still admit I’m at risk for suicidal behavior. I haven’t attempted suicide in nearly a decade. I haven’t felt the urge to end my life in a few years. I’ve quickly addressed and pushed through my spurts of depression. Yet, I recognize that deep in my psyche, there’s a risk. I’ve recently become anxious about this risk as I look towards the future. I hope to graduate from American University in May. People ask me, “What will you do when you graduate” or “do you have a job lined up?” Even worse, they tell me, “I know you’ll do great things.” To finish, listen to the podcast or go to One2ManyProject.com/ep71

Luis Tenezacamora is a Marine Corps veteran. I served with him briefly in Moscow. A while back, I made a Facebook status asking for insight on calling a crisis hotline. Luis messaged me with highlights of his experience. He had good things to say, so I asked him if he’d come onto the podcast to talk about it. He obliged. Along with his decision to call a hotline, Luis shares with us…: His personal emotional health issues Drinking problems Seeking counseling How his brother came to his aid Why it’s OK to “be a bitch” Let us know how you feel about his story by interacting with us on Twitter: @One2ManyProject @TimLawson21 (host) If you’d like to share your own story on the program, email me: lawson@lawsonentertainment.com

There’s a picture floating around the Internet of a gentleman sitting in a lawn chair. This man, in his lawn chair, is holding up two signs. Each says, “23 American Veterans commit suicide every day. No One Cares. 1 lion gets killed and the country is in an uproar.” Saying “no one cares” about any veterans issues – or any issues for that matter – is absurd and completely false. People use this erroneous exaggeration to emphasize their point, but it’s insulting. “No one cares” is a slap in the face to the millions of people putting forth whatever effort they can to provide veterans with the care they need. I care. I care a lot about the veterans that are killing themselves each day. I care a lot about the community and how torn down we’ve been with labels of PTSD and suicide. I care deeply that news covers our issues because the outrage and patriot complex persuades people to share and click. I care so passionately about finding a solution to the problem (much more than our subject in his lawn chair). To finis

This week’s episode of 1, 2, Many: Veteran Suicide features a Navy veteran that explains to us what it’s like to respond to a suicide crisis. The images he describes are very graphic and his thoughts on being a “burden” may be considered insensitive, but I think his perspective and experience are worth sharing. As always: RESPECT my guestsDo NOT call them out if they’ve chosen to be anonymousShare this with those you feel would benefitBe sure to take something from each episodeWhat do you think of this story? Join the conversation on Twitter: @One2ManyProject (podcast) @TimLawson21 (host)

When I was 17, I was diagnosed with Hodgkins. It was my senior year of high school. Oddly enough, it was the perfect time for me to go through this. My body was strong enough to endure the drugs but new enough to get a clean start when it was all over. Since my bout with cancer, I have done a pretty good job of staying healthy. I do not get sick very often. Occasionally, my chest will get congested or I'll deal with a stuffy nose for a day, but I'm never more than "under the weather." Over the past decade, I have taken on a stronger defense against illness. When I wake up feeling symptoms, I attack them immediately. I do everything I can to clear out my system, replenish nutrients, and maintain rest, hydration, and activity. And it works. To finish this post, listen to the podcast or go to One2ManyProject.com/ep67

Robb Novotny is our guest this week. He’s a Marine Corps veteran and would like to share Dan Demaio’s story. Dan served with Robb and took his own life just a few years ago. Robb describes the events – good and bad – leading up to Dan’s death and how it affected him moving forward. Robb recently dedicated a hike from Quantico to New York for his friend Dan and started the initiative #VetsLivesMatter. His efforts show updates for fundraising missions aiding awareness to Veteran Suicide, Mental Illnesses, and Homelessness. Learn more here: https://www.facebook.com/VetsLivesMatter22?fref=ts

Update from Timothy Lawson and the 1, 2, Many: Veteran Suicide Project

Margy Agar has returned to the 1, 2, Many Project to share new information she’s learned about her daughter’s suicide. Margy first appeared on the podcast last summer and told us about how her daughter was bullied during her time in the military. From Margy Agar: Kim was failed epically when she was left to fend for herself at the most vulnerable time of her life. She was hazed, stigmatized, jealousy prevailed with TOXIC LEADERSHIP. Her LTC was forced to retire, albeit NOT from cause of action. Should have been. More heads should have rolled. Her CPT broke HIPPA LAWS, and when she returned from an 11 day stay at Landstuhl she was moved to an isolated floor with no roommate. She asked for a different room because the old room was where she made her first suicide attempt, 9/6/2011, she didn’t want to go back there as it made her sad. She was already depressed, and although had a suicide attempt, and a hospital stay, THEY CHOSE [CPT] TO ISOLATE HER. She did NOT ASK FOR THE FLOOR/ROOM she was given. Her section l

This is the draft for the TEDx Talk I gave at TEDxAmericanU in February 2015.