Dr Karin Love & Life

Recently, I appeared on aParently Speaking podcast with Miriam conner. Miriam asked me to speak about fear—specifically, how parents may inadvertently pass on anxiety to their children. We discussed humans’ typical responses to fear—building upon the Fight or Flight model we all learned in school, and we explored the profound power of how we frame fear i.e. do we consider it part of our identity? Do we say things to ourselves like, “My anxiety makes me do such and such” or “I have anxiety”? Or rather, do we see fear as a part of life, but not a part of our core sense of self. We can empower ourselves by considering the ways we manage our feelings and ask ourselves questions like: Did I learn this emotional response from my mother? Did I get “my anxiety” from my father? As an adult can I shed any generational patterns of managing fear that aren't serving me? We may have inherited anxiety from our families, but we don’t need to own it in adulthood! Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowere

You’re probably familiar with mindfulness, but how does it apply to dating? Marie Thouin, Ph.D. shares how a mindfulness practice can enhance our lives in myriad realms—and certainly when it comes to dating! Join us for a conversation surrounding: The science of mindfulness—there’s a TON of research on it! The self-knowledge mindfulness affords—even in the midst of heartbreak and loss. Why mindful dating brings out the best in you and your date! How mindfulness helps us move through rejection—including 3 tangible steps to become more resilient! The importance of being curious and compassionate with ourselves. Mindful swiping—it’s a thing! How to value our lives when our deep desires aren’t currently met. How mindfulness liberates us! If you’ve ever wondered what this mindfulness stuff is all about and how it might enhance your love life, this episode is for you! Citation: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/mindfulness/definition#why-practice-mindfulness  Dr. Marie Thouin  Websit

We all desire deep, genuine intimacy. But so often, it feels incredibly difficult to cultivate! Sometimes we’re so infatuated we rush things. Other times, we fear getting close because we’ve been hurt so many times before. In our first Love & Life Live, psychotherapist Elliott Anderson joins me to speak to Judson University students about how to develop and cultivate deep, authentic, lasting romantic intimacy. Specifically, we discuss: What’s the definition of intimacy? How can we distinguish between intimacy and infatuation? Is there a concrete process for building intimacy? What do psychologists say about finding the “total package”? Is it possible? How clarifying your values—before you’re in a relationship—will help you build intimacy with your future partner. Can texting build true intimacy? What if I don’t have much relationship experience? Why spending time apart in the initial months of a relationship can actually enhance intimacy. Cultivating true intimacy—even if you have an anxi

Divorce is brutal. The wound it leaves is deep and lasting. Can we find restoration and redemption after the death of a marriage? Can we resuscitate a demolished heart? Leisse Wilcox and Elliott Anderson discuss the profound grief inherent to divorce. They hold space for the hurting. They honor the loss and pain. And simultaneously, they invite you on a healing journey. Specifically, they discuss: The primal wound vs. the divorce wound. Pain, shame, and blame surrounding divorce—and the gender differences Elliott has noticed in his work with couples. Leisse observes divorce can trigger the primal wound, causing us to swim in a “soup” of shame and pain. How divorce exacerbates the chronic “not enoughness” women feel. The parallels between divorce and death. The “zombie state” of divorce—the marriage is dead, but your ex is not. Elliott discusses how divorce leaves a spiritual wound and splits your psyche. Leisse compares divorce to cancer; she has endured both. We share strategies for dating a

In the US alone, more than 300,000 couples over the age of 50 divorce every year and this trend is growing. If you include the adult children involved, between 900,000 and 1.2 million people are impacted by the dissolution of these marriages. In fact, the term “gray divorce” has entered the lexicon to describe couples who part ways later in life. Despite the number of people affected by gray divorce, few resources exist to provide support as adult children manage this unexpected and painful family division. Psychotherapists Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg join me to discuss their book, Home Will Never Be the Same Again:  A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce. So often, adult children of divorce feel invisible. Because they’re adults, others assume they’ll move through the divorce with ease. Their parents may even expect them to feel happy for them as they embark upon their new life. But adult children grieve the loss of their family and in addition to this pain, they’re faced with the challenges o

Our families have a profound impact on us—not just in childhood, but throughout our lifetime! But, family dynamics can be tricky to sort out due to the intensity of emotions and because we lack the objectivity necessary to see ourselves and our connections clearly; it’s hard to observe a system when you’re part of the system. Furthermore, sometimes our families can unintentionally sabotage our efforts to find our person! Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson joins me for a deep dive into how connections to family members may impede our search for romantic partnership—unbeknownst to all involved! Specifically, Elliott and I discuss: The construct of individuation and its profound impact on not only your family life, but your love life! Why Elliott’s first question to the couples he counsels isn’t about them—rather, it’s always about their families. How we can be both close to and separate from our families! Your man’s lack of confidence as it relates to his individuation. How an adult daughter’s loyalty to

In this final segment of our “Relationship Strain of COVID” series, psychotherapist Kate Lambie joins me again for a discussion on values and how they impact our individual responses to the various elements of the pandemic. Spoiler alert—it all goes back to safety and security! We also consider the reality that at times, we may share the same values yet choose to act upon them in different ways. We ask these questions and more! Are bodily autonomy and medical freedom selfish during a pandemic? Are mandates a violation of civil liberties? Or, do they make sense in an emergency? If friends seem unwilling to find common ground, might they be reacting in this manner because they feel unsafe? How does clarifying our values develop empathy and compassion for one another? Kate and I see the pandemic from opposing vantage points. We share our personal struggle to maintain intimacy and connection during these intense past two years. Join us to hear the inside scoop—including the arguments!—of how we’ve tried t

In part two of our series on the relational strain of the pandemic, psychotherapist Kate Lambie joins me to share a trauma informed understanding of fear. No matter what stance we’ve taken regarding the pandemic, we’ve all felt scared at one point or another. Some of us fear the virus; others worry more about the government’s policies surrounding mandates. Either way, our sense of security has been shaken and it’s probably not hyperbolic to suggest we’ve all been somewhat traumatized. In this conversation, Kate and I discuss the ways humans manage fear and how our differing responses may have impacted our connections to those we love most. In particular, we discuss: Common reactions to fear—fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and flock—and how these responses have polarized us over the last two years. Stress and empathy. Spoiler alert:  they can’t coexist—which is why we can be unkind when we’re freaked out! Self-regulation and how it helps us move through fear and maintain intimacy with those we love. H

The last two years have taken a toll on every area of our lives. One of the most painful elements of the pandemic has been the division it’s caused. Relationships have been strained and, in some cases, torn apart. How did we get here? How is it that friends and family members see the last two years from such different vantage points? In this episode, I talk about the beliefs we held before 2020 and how the confirmation bias has impacted our understanding of the pandemic. This episode is part one of a three-part series in which I share constructs from psychology to help us better understand our varying responses to the last two years and also, how to bridge the division we’re experiencing. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Elliott is back to answer your questions in Part 2 of our conversation about Avoidant Attachment style. We start with a question from a listener who wrote in after hearing episode 165 about Anxious Attachment in which Elliott mentioned that “oneness” takes years to develop. Her question was: 1. What’s the difference between intimacy and oneness? We then get back to Avoidant Attachment and address the following questions from listeners: 2. I’ve recently left an abusive relationship and started dating an old friend. He was initially very attentive but then he started to pull away which caused me to begin to chase him. We’ve been on again/off again and I think I may have Anxious Attachment, while he’s likely Avoidant. Is it possible for us to make this work? 3. I’ve been on 7 dates with a guy and he’s talking to me about being exclusive but he’s still updating his Bumble profile. I confronted him about it and he said his friend updated it for him. Also, he tells me he hates confrontation. Does he have Avoidant A

Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson is back to continue our series on Attachment Styles. This week we unpack Avoidant Attachment and consider the question, “Is it actually possible to have a relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style?” Specifically, we address: Why avoidant men may initially appear very excited about the relationship and interested in commitment, but then later, they pull away. The internal struggle of Avoidant Attachment. The Pursuer-Distancer cycle—if you’ve dated someone with an Avoidant Attachment style, you’ve likely experienced this, especially if you have an Anxious Attachment style. When he marries you, but is still avoidant! Why it’s imperative to maintain your self-respect—and how to do so! Ways to bring up concerns about emotional intimacy with an avoidant partner. How to figure out if his Avoidant Attachment is something you can work with or if he’s completely emotionally unavailable. How to determine if you’re experiencing Avoidant Attachment yourself

As Love & Life listeners know, psychologist Dr. Duana Welch, author of the Love Factually book series, encourages us to date as “high status” women. In this episode, as always, she provides the science behind HOW to date high status and WHY it’s imperative we do so—especially when it comes to major decisions like whether to live together before getting married. Specifically, Dr. Welch addresses the following: If I present myself as high status, won’t he think I’m being manipulative and playing hard to get? How do I get him to view me as high status—what specific behaviors will show him this? What if I don’t feel high status? I have an anxious attachment style, how can I ever date high status? Everyone seems to think living together before marriage is a great idea. Do high status women cohabitate before getting married? Dr. Welch provides concrete, science-based answers to these questions and much more! Join us to acquire a high status, empowered approach to dating! Dr. Duana Welch Website: http

Money is such a touchy topic. We’re told never to talk about it in polite company. And for many of us, it’s a subject we don’t ever bring up—even to ourselves! But ultimately, finances are all about values—just like the rest of life! When I was single, I valued living to the fullest and I also valued being fiscally responsible. At times, these values were in conflict. Emily Burnett knows all about this dilemma. She grew up in a home where fiscal responsibility was valued. Yet as a single woman in her thirties, she was $50,000 in debt. Ouch. But one day Emily had had enough. As she put it, “I make too much money to feel this broke!” Emily is here to help us get in the driver’s seat with our money! Join us for a conversation about: Dating when you’re in debt. Enjoying nice things when you can’t really afford them. Living paycheck to paycheck. Why you don’t need to feel bad about not having a budget. And also, why constructing a budget is empowering, liberating, and exciting! How planning for special

We often think it takes big behavioral changes to impact our mental health, but according to psych research simple daily habits and choices make a huge difference on our emotional well-being. In this “best of the podcast” episode, we discuss two simple practices anyone can implement at any time to enjoy a boost in mood. Specifically, we discuss: The connection between social media usage and depression and anxiety. The fact that social media interactions don’t provide us with the same support IRL interactions do. The variable at work in “Facebook Depression.” A concrete plan for creating a gratitude practice and why it makes all the difference! It’s completely normal to feel a wide array of emotions—that’s part of being a human. But, help is here! Join us to learn simple, practical research-based strategies we can all utilize to level up our mental health and wellness. Reference: Steers, M. N., Wickham, R. E., & Acitelli, L. K. (2014). Seeing everyone else's highlight reels: How Facebook usage is l

“Part of what it means to be human is to suffer, but there’s a way to move through it that brings joy and goodness to both you and the world around you.” Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel. We all endure trauma—either Big T or Little T. We all seek healing. Yet all too often, the defense mechanisms we constructed to survive trauma, now keep us constrained. Join us to consider: Who we are meant to become in the midst of our heartaches. That we’ve all been orphaned, estranged, and widowed due to trauma and loss. How we can bring goodness and joy to others as we move through pain. According to Dan, “Every one of us suffers, yet our suffering is never meant to be only ours—we’re meant to not only join our own transformation, but also in the privilege of being able to join in others’ transformations.” If you’re hurting, you’ll feel a balm of empathy in Dan and Cathy’s words. Please join us for a tender, loving, healing conversation. Allender Center Website: https://theallendercenter.org/  Instagram: @allen

Naturopath Dr. Diana Lipford joins me again—this time to talk about the one topic we’re absolutely NOT supposed to discuss! Join us as we delve into the following questions and concerns surrounding the most pressing and controversial issue of our generation. How did Americans lose bodily autonomy? Where there is risk, there must be choice! What happened to second opinions? How did we get to the point where doctors’ legitimate questions were silenced by social media? Who are these “fact checkers” and why do they get to control the discourse? The lack of logic regarding mRNA experimental gene therapy mandates for children. Why an mRNA experimental gene therapy does not inoculate in the same manner as traditional vaccines. What the jab actually does in your body. The tyranny of forced compliance of a “vaccine” that doesn’t stop transmission or confer immunity. Why the phrase “trust the science” is a contradiction in terms—and every legit scientist knows it. How censorship has destroyed the possibi

If you’ve been single for any portion of your adult life—and especially if this solo season has lasted longer than you hoped it would—you’ve felt the ache of loneliness. You’ve watched happy couples and wondered when you’ll meet your partner. You’ve likely slipped into fear—what if you never meet your person? What if you never “belong” to anyone? Leisse Wilcox gets it. She’s felt these feelings—deeply. And, at 40, she continues to wrestle with a post-divorce, post-cancer diagnosis life that looks nothing like she expected it would. As a writer, Leisse has unpacked this struggle in her new book, Alone:  The Truth + Beauty of Belonging. Our conversation today can be summarized by my review of Leisse’s book. “Part memoir, part self-help guide, part love letter to anyone aching with loneliness, Alone:  The Truth + Beauty of Belonging assures us that though we may not choose to be alone, we absolutely choose the meaning we ascribe to our solitude. Through potent reframes e.g., What if self-care became

Jess Ekstrom started a headband company in her college dorm room—but even as a young entrepreneur, her goal wasn’t to make money, but to give back. For each headband purchased, Jess donates a headband to a child experiencing cancer or another illness.  As Headbands of Hope grew, Jess looked for silver linings despite the challenges and struggles inherent to building a business. As she began sharing her journey, she found joy in writing and speaking about “chasing the bright side.” She wrote a book with this title and now helps other women “tell and sell” their stories so they can “make a living and a difference at the same time.” Jess Ekstrom - Headbands for Hope Website: https://www.headbandsofhope.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Narcissists are charming. They’re slick. They come on strong and sweep you off your feet. Oftentimes they keep up this charade for months—even years!—before you realize the truth about who they actually are. I hear from so many of you that you’ve found yourself in this scenario—stuck in an emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes physically abusive relationship. How did it happen? And more importantly, how do you leave? Won’t he escalate the abuse? And, how do you coparent with a narc if there are children involved? High Conflict Divorce Coach, Tina Swithin, joins me to share her journey of dating, marrying, and finally divorcing a narcissist. She discusses the red flags she unfortunately ignored when dating, how she ultimately recognized her husband was a narc, and what she did to extricate herself from the marriage while protecting her daughters. Tina not only survived marriage to a narcissist, she’s absolutely thriving! She’s taken the wisdom she gained through this horribly painful season of her life a

Dr. Duana Welch, author of the Love Factually book series, is back on the program to explain how we can successfully navigate online and app dating. And the best part—as always, Dr. Welch’s recommendations are based in science! She brings not only the psych research to our conversation, but also her personal experience, as well. In fact, she recently found love herself on a dating app using these research-based strategies and she’s here to share how you can, too! Join us to learn: How his pictures reveal whether or not he’s commitment oriented! Why posting your hottest pics may NOT be the best tactic! Why nobody else should be in your pictures—especially your children! The big thing (literally) Dr. Welch calls a “guy magnet!” What “mating centrism” is and why you MUST understand it to date successfully! How to use the “scarcity principle” to accelerate the connection process. How to write a profile that attracts stayers, not players! Ways to beat the algorithms! Online and app dating can be so f