Your Favorite Band Sucks

Nobody asked for it but we have to deal with it so now you do, too! Today, Mark and Tyler sit down to read the best YouTube comments left over the past few years. And by "best," we mean 99% of them are horrible because YouTube comments are one of the worst places on the Internet. Enjoy! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

David Bowie is perhaps the most successful con artist of all time. You wanna hear about someone who got away with straight up grifting for like 50 years? Today we're talking about a guy who probably would have committed infanticide if someone told him it was the only way he could ever become famous. If you're imagining all the incredibly embarrassing and awful behavior one could expect from a person like that, buddy, it's worse. David Bowie sucks harder than it should even be possible to suck. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

So here's a thought: you're legitimately a sadist if this is your favorite band. There has never been a greater real life example of a million monkeys in a room with typewriters accidentally reproducing Shakespeare's body of work, except The Replacements only took four humans hating how bad they were at life and their instruments for about a decade in order to make whichever four songs you believe justify the rest of this inexcusable career. Imagine being from Minneapolis and having to argue The Clash simply weren't drunk enough so you can pretend your city matters to the history of rock music. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

Well, well, well... After several years of sidebar potshots in so many episodes, it is finally time for the original fuckboy pop singer to take a turn in the spotlight. And, look, we're not even going to do that usual thing where we pretend a bunch of fans are going to get pissed off about this because, let's be honest, everyone in 2021 is deeply aware of how much Frank Sinatra sucks. Anyone still listening to this trash has problems a podcast can't fix. No, that's not what we're here to do today. We're here to say all the mean things you've always wondered why nobody ever said about a talentless hack who absolutely deserves every word of it. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

If P.T. Barnum had lived to hear Death Grips, he'd have updated to quote to say there are 10 suckers born every minute because there hasn't been such a successful grift as this in the music business since at least the Sex Pistols. The "music" is obviously unlistenable because the music is always irrelevant when it comes to bands who get fast-tracked through the hype machine. But Death Grips also sucks for reasons that go so far beyond the music itself. Want to know more? If only there was an episode of a podcast you could listen to about it... [NOTE: this is the first episode available to paid subscribers in an ad-free version. Even our merch promos are removed from the middle of episodes! There will be ad-free versions of new episodes going forward. At some future point - not soon - we will also create an ad-free version of our entire back catalog. Become a paid subscriber of YFBS here: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/subscribe] --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

It is undeniably tragic that so many people believe a trendy t-shirt design equates to good music. And you'd think doing an episode on Tool-for-sad-kids would be too depressing to be anyone's idea of a good time but this was such a bad "band" on every level that it actually pushes past the bleakness to become hilarious. Make sure you're ready to never willingly listen to Joy Division again before pressing play. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

None of your other trusted sources of news were doing their jobs so it's once more up to the Joint Chiefs of Stuff to come correct with the scoop: music has officially been scheduled for extinction. Oh, you haven't heard how things are going at Rolling Stone magazine right now? You haven't figured out why half the bands you see on someone's t-shirt every time you go outside are selling their publishing catalogs? Well, friends, press play to receive the most critical information download of the year. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

"EvERyONe ALrEadY kNoWs juSTin BiEBer suCks!" That's you. And what you should be doing instead is shutting the hell up and pressing play because a) we're hilarious and b) you'll probably learn some stuff, smartypants. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

A trailer for everyone who can't grasp the importance of this podcast from the title alone. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

First of all, none of you are prepared for how many of your friends are secret Pearl Jam fans. Go look up this band's sales figures. You think it's just everyone you've never met buying copies of these albums? Wake up, people! Not only is Pearl Jam's music terrible, they are parasitic masterminds of commerce! The war with TicketMaster was just a smokescreen! All will be revealed... P.S. Anyone else think it's weird how Eddie Vedder sang about "goin' hungry" even though he was clearly eating mashed potatoes while recording half his vocal parts on Pearl Jam albums?  --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

Think you don't have much to be grateful for this year? Think again! Mark & Tyler are here to save 2020 from the bloody jaws of Christmas with the only holiday tradition that still matters: our annual Christmas Music Sucks episode! As a cold darkness settles upon the land and trepidation rises in the hearts of a noble proletariat, fear not! Beneath these terrible trappings lay great opportunities and wonderful gifts! (Translation: we finally figured out how to kill off Santa Claus this year. Yeah, it's pretty chill.) This one's on video as well, so find the YFBS YouTube channel if you'd rather watch than listen as these selfless heroes once more rally troops for a War on Christmas. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

When we’re talking about a band as insufferable as Aerosmith, you really "don’t wanna miss a thing,” so enjoy the climax of this terrible group’s trilogy: 90s Aerosmith and beyond! Alicia Silverstone’s wedgie! Song doctors! Our review of Armageddon - the movie and real life! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

Welcome to Part 2 of the Your Favorite Aerosmith Sucks podcast! In this installment, Mark helps Tyler through childhood trauma caused by Steven Tyler's... well, everything about Steven Tyler. Also, everyone who thought the "Walk This Way" collaboration with Run DMC actually mattered was either a dumbass or an executive at MTV (and therefore a dumbass). Step right up, folks. School is in session. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

If we had a dollar for every time someone told us to listen to Aerosmith's early stuff, we'd pay Aerosmith to stop being a band. And they'd take the money. You know why? The only thing they've ever been good at is taking money from idiots. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

Well, it turns out we weren't ready for the jelly. Talking about this soap opera of a "group" took longer than we thought it would, so here's Part 2: The Bootylicious-ing! Can Mark & Tyler prove themselves survivors? Listen and see. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

Let's just say there's such a thing as your dad being too big of a Jackson 5 fan. There's also a reason your worst high school girlfriend listened to Destiny's Child. Ready for this history lesson on 90s pop? No, you're not. You could never be ready for us to tell you EVERYTHING THE ILLUMINATI DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW about Destiny's Child... You could never be ready for this jelly. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

This guy should have been a one-hit wonder and we never should have had to do a single episode about him. But no... You people had to start taking him seriously after Odelay and now this is happening: Beck Sucks, Pt. 2: Beck to the Future! Mark & Tyler get into the ridiculous critical acceptance of "Sad Beck," the Grammy Awards and, inevitably, more Scientology... --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

Beck is the only argument needed against having respect for 90s pop culture. This is what every 8th grade boy in America was like before ADHD meds were invented. Beck's music is what it would sound like if chugging a 3-liter of Surge cola and shooting yourself in the b-hole with a paintball gun was a band. Now add Scientology. See? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

It's no exaggeration to say this podcast probably wouldn't exist without the everlasting influence of Ludwig van Beethoven on music. This guy sucks so much he basically invented it. This guy sucks so bad it killed classical music entirely - which is actually pretty awesome, not gonna lie. This guy sucks so hard we had to make a long episode AND A NEW T-SHIRT about it... Press play, then head over to shop.yfbspod.com to check out Tyler's original artwork and pre-order the new shirt! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message

This is what happens when you’re too ugly for hair metal. Honestly, the guys in Pantera should have worn MORE makeup if they wanted to record a soundtrack to the evil western KISS would have made if they were actually badass. Then they had to go and single-handedly destroy the genre of metal. Thanks, guys. Pantera sucks. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yfbspod/message